Manželka drhne podlahu, když v tom přijde manžel. Nadzvedne ji sukni, strčí jí ho tam. Manželka se ohlédne a povídá: "Ty jsi blbej, jak chlapi v práci."

Lufthansa flight on an internal flight in Germany, flying a Fokker 100, requests his flight clearance in German. Tower replies that if he wants a reply, he must speak in English. The German pilot says "I'm a German pilot, flying a German plane in Germany. Why must I speak English?" without missing a beat, a British Airways pilot responds "Because you lost the bloody war!"

Aktuální a odborný

Intel CEO: "We need antivirus, can someone buy me McAfee?"
Few hours later: "Done."
"Great, which version?"
"Version...?"

Majitel půjčovny loděk do megafonu:
"Devítko, devítko, už půl hodiny přetahujete. Vraťte se ke břehu."
Jeho manželka:
"Táto, ale my máme jen sedm loděk!"
A on znovu do megafonu:
"Šestko, šestko, nějakej problém?"

1. The bandage was wound around the wound.
2. The farm was used to produce produce.
3. The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4. We must polish the Polish furniture.
5. He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7. Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
8. A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10. I did not object to the object.
11. The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12. There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13. They were too close to the door to close it.
14. The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15. A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16. To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17. The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18. Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
19. I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
20. How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Fotbalisté anglie navštívili sirotčinec v Johanesburgu. "Když jsem viděl ten zdrcený výraz v jejich očích bylo mi jich opravdu líto" -Poznamenal Jamal (7 let)

Přijde jelen na bungejumping a povídá
"Dobrej den,... prej se tu skáče na laně"

Gorilla walks into a bar, orders a scotch on the rocks.

When the gorilla asks how much he owes, bartender thinks he can take advantage of the dumb animal, charges him $25.00. Gorilla reaches into his fur and hands over the money without comment or complaint.

After depositing the cash in the register, the bartender is hit with a pang of guilt because he knows he took advantage, and decides to try to make things better by engaging the beast in conversation. He turns to the gorilla and tries to get the ball rolling with, "Gee, we don't get many gorillas in here."

Gorilla replies, "At these prices, I'm not surprised!"

Never wrestle a pig. You both get dirty and the pig likes it.

Přijde Krakonoš na Kvildě do pekárny a říká:
"Chtěl bych půlku šumavy."